My Mirror

The other day E informed me that our activity was "lame-tastic." While part of me thought I should be hurt by the insult, it was such a good one that I just couldn't be. "Lame-tastic" - so very lame that the word lame was simply not descriptive enough.

E has been such a joy in my life. He is wonderful, spirited, and challenging. One moment he is cuddling and laughing, the next he rages at the injustice of not getting to sleep in my bed every night. He makes faces to entertain us...

...and is fast asleep within minutes, hands folded in what reminds me of prayer. (Yes, he is in my bed- his injustice argument was quite compelling.)

He stands up for himself and insists on being heard. While never mean-spirited, his honesty can be disarming. I love his kindness, his passion, his tirades, his wit- all of him, unconditionally. If any one piece was missing, he wouldn't be his wonderful little self.

And this has helped me know myself better. Perhaps more than my other children, E has shown me what I must have been like as a child. Like E, I am made up of contradictions. I feel everything deeply- love, anger, joy, hurt. I need to express it and must be heard, then I can move forward. Thank you, E, for being you and for being a little me.

Sweet curls

I love the sweet soft curls of my childrens' hair when they are babies. The curls disappear with their first hair cut and though I save a lock or two, it always makes me cry. Gray's hair has recently begun to curl. It is also getting longer and the time will come soon when I'll have to succumb to the inevitable and take him for his first hair cut. It is sad knowing this will likely be the last time I enjoy one of my baby's downy curls. But for now I will twirl them around my finger and revel in the joy of holding my sweet baby boy.

Snowy Day

As a child, I loved the book The Snowy Day by Ezra Jack Keats. I had no memory of experiencing snow (though I must have in Rhode Island from birth to age 3). I loved the part about thwacking a snow covered tree and the "plop" of the snow. It is that kind of day today. Thick, wet snow weighs down the apple tree branches in our backyard. You can see your foot prints on our unshovel walk. I've come to expect the first snow around Halloween and look forward to it each year.

Today Jax and E jumped up and down on our bed in a circle, hands clasped, laughing and hooting. Why? SNOW DAY! It is an imagine I hope to always remember- the unselfconscious joy of it, the thrill of breaking routine, the excitement of the day to come. By day's end we no doubt will have had tears and squabbles, but for that moment nothing seemed better than brothers at home on a school day with endless possibilities ahead.